I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
