I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
