I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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