they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, beer. Big fan.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
