Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
