Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
