I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We just shotgunned beers for America
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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