I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
