FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
