I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
