And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
