tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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