Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
