Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drake has all the answers
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
