i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
birth control should be required to get into college
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
