Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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