Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
