Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
