Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
