Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
