If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
