I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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