she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
