I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
