i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
