Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
