her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
