I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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