She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
