In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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