i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
