This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
