Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
