trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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