So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
