I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
