During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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