If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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