So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
