we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
