We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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