i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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