You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
