I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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