That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
