I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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