the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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