Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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