his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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