You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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