i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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