I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
