I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
