I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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